Christmas.

Mulled wine, wrapping paper, brandy cream and lots of childish laughter. I love Christmas, I always have. Although becoming an adult has meant that magic that came along side Christmas has gone, but in many ways having children means I can bring that same magic to them. This year I felt it was the first one Eva really understood, she was excited more then I ever thought she could be. From opening day 1 on her advent calender she was geared up in Christmas mode, counting down the days and wanting time to go faster.

I wanted to make this Christmas all about the children, and I think I did that completely. Last year I remember seeing photo after photo of Christmas eve boxes, everyone seemed to be doing then#m. This year I decided to jump on that bandwagon and made the children one of their own. I kept it simple, some new PJ's, dressing gown, book, a cup with some hot chocolate and a teddy each. But I wanted to add a little magic to it too. Christmas eve we always go over to my aunt's house for food laughter and present giving so I used this to set up the presents under the tree (without them knowing) ready for them to open once we arrived home. Adding even more magic to it, I saw out of the window of the car a orange light in the sky - from a hot air balloon I believe - Eva saw it too and asked me what it was, quickly thinking I told her it was the Elf patrol out and about on Christmas eve double checking the naughty and nice list before Santa arrived that night. Her face was a picture when we got home to find Alfie the Elf had left her and Archie both a box full of presents for them to open on Christmas eve for extra good this year. 

Christmas day started at 6:30 am and guess who woke up first? ME! Eva had been up every hour during the night asking if it was time to go open her presents yet but come 6 am she was still sleeping! and probably could have slept longer if I hadn't of got fed up of laying staring at the ceiling and woke her up (oops). After a morning of opening presents, I set to work on the Christmas lunch while grandma (who'd since arrived) played with both children. Once the kids had gone to bed that evening I relaxed with some chocolate and tea.

Boxing day wasn't a great day for the fact Archie hadn't slept all night and woke up very wheezy. We did manage to go out for the morning, to the hunt - although these days it's just a scent trail - where all the dogs and horses leave through the village on there way. It's a big event with 200 people attending every year. Mulled cider and turkey baps on hand, and loads of dogs everywhere! It's honestly very beautiful. Afterwards we headed to the children's grand parents for yet more present opening and food!

Over all I had a lovely Christmas. Definitely one to beat!!

Bean xo

Our Christmas tree

 Our Christmas tree went up on the first weekend of December, like always. Eva was very helpful this year, helping me with those annoying branches and hanging up the baubles. Every year since Eva was a baby we have added a new bauble, normally she makes them and this year was no different. She painted two clay baubles - one for her and one for Archie to hang from the tree. Her first bauble on the tree was her name on a clay angel. I searched high and low for the same one for Archie but no luck so his is a green one with his name on. I love my tree, simply because it's filled with so many memories. As they get older I can look at the different things on the tree with a smile on my face. 

Bean xo

It's beginning to look alot like Christmas..

December 1st.. what!? Already! I'm starting this month with a Christmas Themed Bucket list.

- Make lots of Christmas decorations. 

- Bake! Cake and Cookies (and of course ginger bread men) 

- Make chutney. 

- Make Christmas cards for family.

I'm already on project felt gingerbread men, to hang on the tree. They shall probably turn up in another post. This year I am using this blog to share my Christmas, and the run up, with you. And of course I am planning on making as fun as possible for my two children. 

On december 1st : 

Advent calenders are from Thorntons 3 for 2 (£6 each)

Christmas reward chart from The card factory for 99p (in store only)

Bean xo

Holidays are coming!

It completely true what they say, once you have children time just fly's by! I can't quite believe we are nearing Christmas already - 32 sleeps to go. Eva has of course already sorted out her Christmas list, since just after Archie turned one (September), she's been telling what she wants Santa to get her. On the top of that list was of course Frozen dolls. I think everyone has gone mad for Frozen this year, in a way I'm glad she's so into something, it makes buying her presents easier. I know if it's got frozen on it she'll love it!

The kids presents (so far)

Eva :

• Frozen dolls - Elsa, Anna, Olaf and Sven 
• A new scooter - Frozen theme of course.
• Anna dress
• Frozen necklace.
• Frozen dinner set
• Leappad game.
• Frozen mug

Archie :

• Musical set - including a drum which I think I may live to regret.
• Two cars - Fire engine and dumper truck.
• wooden Noahs Ark set.

Eva is done other then a few stocking fillers, chocolates and clothes. But I am completely stuck what to get Archie. His birthday wasn't all that long ago.. Another shopping trip is certainly in order.

Bean xo

Archie's first steps.

(please excuse the large pile of clothes in the back ground I was in the middle of my ironing)

Tweleve months, two weeks old and my little baby took his first steps. I guess this mean's he's not my baby anymore but actually my toddler. Crawling seems a thing of the past, or something he only does when he's mid strop. He's thirteen months now and tomorrow I shall be buying him his first pair of big boy shoes, *insert sobs here*. 

Bean xo

How much should we share online?

Before having children I didn't think twice about adding someone to a social media account, I'd talk to my friends about everything and share the private things in my life with out batting an eye lid. That all changed when in 2009 following Eva's arrival I met Chany, a teenaged girl from Australia. My meeting with her on Bebo was to change my view of social media all together.

When I first met her or rather she added me, she seemed fine, nothing court my eye about her at all. It was only a few weeks later she emailed telling me she'd found a "fake" (someone who steals your photo's and uses them as their own online) of me and directed me to the account. I was horrified by what I found, some random person had stolen the photo's of my daughter and we're now pretending to be me, to be Eva's mum! I quickly reported the account and thankfully it was removed. Days later another fake profile appeared, and another and another. All of them using my photos, all of them pretending to be me. It made my skin crawl. I don't know how I found out, but as it turned out the person behind it was this Chany character. I deleted her right away and made my account private but the damage was done, she'd stolen and kept my photo's on a private photo bucket account meaning she had photo's of my daughter and I couldn't do anything about it. She became slightly obsessed, finding conversations I had online with friends and copying them, using Myspace to make more fakes and having the same conversations. She changed Eva to being called "Peaches", knew details about her birth, knew details about my relationship.. even the town I was from. It was the biggest wake up I had. I cried many times knowing someone had my daughter's photos and I had no clue what she was using them for! Still to this day I don't know if she still has my photos.

Now I am very careful about the information I share online. I no longer tell people my last name, share my birthday or even where I am from. I am very private with my photos, only a handful of people can see my photos on Facebook, people I trust and know. When I began this blog I was hoping to share my son's first year and Eva as she grows but I haven't been able to. I fear someone will take those little moments and make them their own, it makes me anxious. Slowly I am beginning to share little details with the world but it's going to be a long process to start trusting the internet again.

The internet these day's is so easily accessed, by anyone of any age. When you look how many pages views you have on a post.. how many of those people do you think you know? When you share something online who are you sharing it with? do you know those people? It's scary to think alot of people log on to Facebook and twitter and happily share their lives with people they've never met and will never meet. Of course not everyone out there is a Chany, that's something I have come to realise, but with the internet being so easily accessed.. how much should we share online?

Bean xo

My pregnancy with Archie

[You can read trimester one here and trimester two here]

Third Trimester.

Week 28.

Today I had my midwife appointment and I am now feeling a little overwhelmed. My bloods came back to show my Iron levels have dropped even lower, the midwife is very concerned about this. She was talking about seeing a consultant and having a blood transfusion which is very terrifing. She's hoping my Iron levels will improve over the next two weeks, but if they drop another 0.2 then she'll be refurring me. As well as this my bump is a little too small meaning a growth scan was booked in for some time in the next week. Until then they are going to monitor my pregnancy a little closer to ensure bug's growth is good.

Week 29.

It has been stupidly hot this week, I feel so hot all the time, there's no escape from it. I hate hot weather at the best of times but it's just making me feel ill. I had my growth scan today, and everything was fine. They are putting the smaller measurment down to the way Bug was lay. It was such a relief! Seeing Bug was amazing as always. Again he has grown so much, he's huge! It's slightly getting me nervous about labour now.

Week 30.

Another midwife appointment - this one was to just double check Bug's growth, even though the scan confirmed he is growing perfectly this was just to double check. He is back to grwoing perfectly so yay! I'm getting alot of pains in my hips and legs, it's made working so much more harder. Physio may be an option but at this point I am going to try some of my own ways and the midwife's advice and see if any of it helps.

Week 34.

I saw the midwife again on Monday. As always I was measured and thankfully bug has carried on growing at a good rate. He's head down now, it's amazing because I can feel what part of his body is where. I know his feet are in / around my ribs as I'm always getting kicked in them! My bloods have got a little better, but seem to drop very quickly. I'm told once baby is born I have to have another lot of blood taken just to check I don't need a blood transfusion. My midwife is convinced I'll be going into labour very soon but I personally think this little bug is going to keep me waiting!

Week 35.

Back in hospital but this time strapped to a monitor. This little Bug likes to scare us! I haven't had movements in a while, second the machine is put on Bug started to dance. The machine was also picking up contractions (or braxton hicks we never did find out which) I couldn't feel them though but it was very strange. 

Week 36.

I'm writing this from a hopital bed. It's Tuesday evening and I have just admitted into hospital with all the signs of a stroke. It's been a pretty scary evening to say the least but I have regained the feeling in my left side now and I am just left with this awful headache which the nurses can't seem to shift. I had my bloods taken as soon as I arrived and had them redone about an hour ago. Everything was set for me to go home and then a second doctor arrived and told me it was too risky to send me home so I have been admitted while they set up a MRI brain scan in the morning..

(wednesday) MRI scan went well, I hope to god I never need to have one of those again. I've had more blood taken - the joy - and it's come back showing inflammation levels in my blood which at normal are around 5O.. mine were in the 7O's? I have no clue what any of it means, but I have to spend another night here.

(Thursday) FINALLY HOME. MRI scan came back normal and my bloods were fine so I was sent home yay!

Week 38.

I am fully engaged and told bug could arrive at any moment! It's just hit me how close I am to holding him in my arms. Once again the midwife has told me she's sure this is going to be our last appointment but I don't know. Eva may have been early but I have a feeling this one won't be.

Week 40.

I am still pregnant, and if someone asks me again I shall stick cocktail sticks in their eyes. It's honestly the most annoying question EVER. "Still no baby" "still hanging on is he?" "Have you not had it yet?" "what are you, like 42 weeks now". Sweep booked in for the 29th, I'm just enjoying the final weeks sickness and pain free. Come on baby

Bean xo

My pregnancy with Archie.

[You can read the first trimester here]

Second Trimester.

Week 15.

I woke up this morning feeling slightly sad, this pregnancy has all of a sudden began to zoom by I'm starting to feel like I can't enjoy each tiny moment because of it. I had a lovely birthday meal, first time in a while I have managed to eat more then just soup. Today we decided on baby names for bug. Boy : Archie Mark ; Mark after my big brother and Archie was a name we found in a baby book and both love! Girl : Afia Susan ; Susan after Sean's mum and Afia is a name we heard and both loved (I forget where though) I have also ordered our pushchair. Mama and Papa's moove (It is no longer avilable to buy through Mama and Papa's) which is making me even more excited, I feel very happy.

Week 16.

We heard bug's heartbeat for the first time today, it was magical. The midwife has suggested we look into home birthing due to the speed of Eva's arrival. I love the idea, Sean isn't so keen so we are going to do some more research on it. My blood work came back fine, no low iron which I am happy about. I have been trying hard to eat a more healthy balanced diet this time - although with sickness it has been difficult at times. On the 11th (April) I felt Bug's first kicks. I'd been having the butterfly movements since around 10 weeks, but feeling kicks has been amazing! 

Week 20.

I regret drinking so much before the scan, I was concentrating so hard on not wetting myself that I couldn't enjoy the scan as much as I wanted. Bug looked huge! It's quite amazing how quickly they grow. I was amazed with how detailed the scan was, we were able to see all parts of the brain and heart which was very reasuring. We also have a baby with super long legs! We didn't want to know the sex, the scanner was very good at quickly going past this part so we didn't catch sight of something. I'm convinced I'm having a boy, if she's a girl I would be very shocked!

Week 21.

Ice. Ice lollys. Ice cream. Crave! My sickness is improving every day. I have manage to eat normal meals without being sick. I've found things like bread and creamy things tend to make me sick so I've been avoiding them. Heart burn has been a killer though, I'm dusted off the bottle of Gaviscon I have in the back of a medical cuboard. Sean's been sent to buy loads of it too, need to keep my cuboard full stocked.

Week 23. 

I ended up in hospital this week, I hadn't felt Bug move for a few

days and although I was told this is "normal" at this stage I certainly wasn't taking any risks. I had some checks and then sent home. They don't put you on the monitor until your over 24 weeks which I find horrifing.

Week 24.

Another bad week. I passed out at work today. It was awful, thankfully though I work in a hospital so I was surrounded by nurses. Although I wanted to carry on working the nurse told me I wouldn't be able to. I was driven to my mum's house and there I kept on being sick. I lost the feeling in my left hand, my vision blurred and my hearing went like I was under water. It was very scary.

Week 26.

I was forced to take a few nights off work this week following yet more dizzy spells. The doctor took my blood pressure and told me it was quite low and when I stood up it dropped even more which is what's causing the dizzy spells. He also took my blood and it turned my Iron levels are very low, so I'm on iron tablets now.

Bean xo

September 22nd, one year on.

Today marked a year since Archie was due to arrive, - of course he kept us waiting and then surpised us all by arriving in the most dramatic way possible. I thought I'd mark this day by sharing with you my pregnancy journey with him. I did begin to write this a few months back, but the perfectionist in me didn't like how it was going so I deleted it all (hello OCD).. So this is a whole fresh one using only my pregnancy Journal, I shall be sharing the termesters over a few days finishing with my labour and birth. Enjoy!

First Trimester.

Finding out.

I have been saying for weeks now that I am not pregnant, that that option isn't even possible.. Well bang goes that theory. Today, after finding a pregnancy test in the bottom of a draw and my period being late I thought "what the hell" and tested. In my head I was 100% sure I was not pregnant, I didn't even really look at the test after I took it, taking it straight to the bin. A second glance though and there it was a second line. Faulty test? Nope, I took another 3 tests before investing in a digi test "PREGNANT 1-2 WEEKS". I am pregnant!! How am I feeling, shocked, excited, confused.. numb. I feel like I can't talk, mainly because I don't know what to say. I'm pregnant.. I'm pregnant before we even started to try, how did this happen!? Ok so I know how it happened, but I was expecting it take months, years even before that second line appeared. I'm pregnant, right now, this second. Do I feel pregnant? No!

4 weeks.

I had my doctors appointment today. It went well, he congratulated me which was a far better reaction to the doctor I had when confirming my pregnancy with Eva who asked if I wanted an abortion! I am on Folic acid - the tablets that made me terribly sick with Eva and I've booked a midwife appointment. I'm told there is a small chance that this baby will also arrive early. I'm not worried about that though, what I am worried about is the speed of my last birth. My doctor informed me the average labour for a women of my age with their first baby is 16 hours, I was just under 3 1/4 hours. I've been told not to sit at home too long, to go to hospital after the first contraction. Do I feel pregnant yet? No.

7 weeks.

I saw my midwife today, she's nice, made me feel at ease right away. A different one to the one I had with Eva, although I'm told she does still work there which I'm happy about, I built a fab relationship with her. I am apparently 9 weeks pregnant, I highly doubt I'm that far along, I don't feel that I am at all, so we shall have to wait and see. I had my bloods taken - the joy! Let's hope everything is fine. 

9 weeks.

I am craving my mum's pea and mint soup, I rang her at 10pm the other night and demanded she told me how she made it. It made me feel sick, so the craving went soon after, still it's my first real craving! Sickness has hit me like a tone of bricks. I was boasting how I didn't feel even the slightest bit ill, well that back fired didn't it! Walking Eva to pre-school the other morning I had to vomit in a bush.. nice! We saw our "Bug" for the first time today. Amazing. That's the only way I could discribe it! The scanner person (insert correct term here) asked me to guess how many weeks I was, I said about 9, by the midwife's date they think I'm 12, but I'm not conviced. Amazingly I was right! 9 weeks. Bug was too small for them to get all the measurements we needed so we are being sent back in 3 weeks. Bug, looks just like a jelly teddy at the moment, no hands or feet btu one very strong heartbeat. I can relax a bit more now. Do I feel pregnant now? Yes!

10 weeks.

I have the flu and I look how I feel. Awful. Time to go hide under the duvet until I feel better.

12 weeks.

Dating scan take two. I was amazed by how much our bug had grown. He has arms! I am 12 weeks and 2 days pregnant now and starting to feel that bloating feeling. I've also had a few butterfly type feelings, I've been told that can happen with your second pregnancy, which is amazing. The scan went well, we brought Eva with us, she got bored after just afew moments and asked if we could go home. She was excited to show off the scan photo's to her grandparents though.

Bean xo

The Fault In Our Stars.

There are very few books that make me laugh as much as they make me cry, this book however did both. By the end of the second chapter I'd already been through more emotions then I thought possible. I heard so many people speaking so highly about this book, so when it caught my eye in morrisons I had to buy it. 24 hours later I had finished reading the last page, tears in my eyes feeling like I'd been on the most amazing emotional journey of my life. I just know this will be a book I read over and over and will still cry and laugh as must I did the first time I read it.

Well done John Green, well done.

Bean xo

Old photos.

After living in her house for about 20 years now, my mum finally brought it from the council and has been doing it up ever since. One sunday afternoon I went around to help her, we had to pack up her things from her bedroom - things she wanted and things she didn't - while we were doing this we came across an old box of photo's and spent about an hour looking at them and giggling. I wanted to share just a handful of my favourite ones.

We've always said Archie looks just like his uncle mark, after finding photo's of me as a baby it's quite clear he's my double. Right down the matching smiles and hair.

Returning to school.

Eva began her first day in year one on Tuesday. Like with anything, Eva took it all in her stride, walking through the school gate with not so much as a backward glance at me. I guess this should make me happy, seeing her so happy and settled in school but it doesn't. With her health now not perfect and with her still having problems with going to the loo I worry for her, I worry she'll not be able to go to the loo during the day and I worry she may poo herself. Everything isn't perfect, she's in pain daily and after school can hardly walk, it's awful to see. But she's enjoying being at school and it's also helping to take her mind off it all.

The countdown begins..

Yesterday Archie turned 11 months - although I am pretty sure I gave birth to him only last month? - He lost his baby look and now every time I look at him he's looking more and more like a toddler. This scares me, I'm ready for him to grow up, I'm really not. Infact up until now I have put off talking / thinking about his birthday. But with a month to go, it's about time I did.

Presents
Thankfully buying for Archie is going to be easy, I have been keeping a wish list of items since he was born of things that he would enjoy to play with. He's still at that age that the things I buy for him are guesses at things he'd like rather then him telling me, which is good because I've noticed children always like the most expensive things. I have noticed, going through my wish lists that most of the toys are wooden, I love wooden toys. First of all they last alot longer as they normally don't require batteries that die after 5 minutes and secondly they don't break as easily as plastic toys do - plus they are hard wearing meaning Archie can bash them about as much as he likes and they will be only minor bumps and bangs to them. 

 Both of these can be found on Notonthehighstreet.com. (here and here) 

 

Day trip
It has become a tradition that on our birthday's we go out for the day somewhere. We've been to zoo's, beaches, theme parks, shopping trips etc. With this being Archies birthday we've been looking at things suitable for his age but with plenty of things to keep Eva happy too, which is why we have settled on Noahs Ark Zoo Farm in Bristol. With play areas, zoo animals and a farm area, it just seemed perfect for us. Archies birthday actually falls on a Sunday, but they shall be closed, so we plan to go the day before meaning he will have a whole weekend birthday. 

Tea party
As it's his first birthday I am planning a little tea party on his birthday. I shall be making his cake - I had Eva's made her first, but I have made her 3rd, 4th and 5th myself - and I'm still not sure what I shall be making yet. But I have sorted out the theme.. Vintage. Seeing as he's having mainly wooden toys which to me are quite vintage I thought it would be perfect. 

Bean xo

Wreck This Journal.

I am one those OCD book crazy people who loves keeping her books in perfect condition. When I buy it new, I take great care not to ruin the spine - I could possibly hyperventilate at the thought of a crease in the spine (wow I have problems) that new book smell, as awesome as that new car smell and one of the things I love about new books. When I get a new book, I take my time in opening it, looking at it, taking it all in before I open the cover to the first page. (Please tell me I am not the only crazy person who does this?)

So I am asking myself why did I buy this book? The whole point of the Wreck This Journal book is to, well wreck it in as many creative ways as possibly. Each page has a instruction to follow and you do what ever you want, let your mind wander.

The first page I flipped it open to is this.. and my first thought? But the book will get wet, how will I get it dry! can you see my problem? Actually until getting this book I hadn't even realised I had a problem, I'm pretty sure I do sound like some crazy women who needs to get out more, (ha) but yes. 

Actually I am quite looking forward to it. Maybe as the book says "I may begin to live more recklessly" or maybe I'll end up some looney sitting in the corner rocking back and forth, I guess only time will tell.

To get your copy of Wreck This Journal buy here.

- Please note I have not been asked to promote this book in anyway, I brought this book off my back and wanted to write a post on it -

 

Broadway ; a day of rain.

(Lets just take a second to appreciate this photo shall we? #babyselfie. Now on with business..)

Today we decided it was the perfect day to go down to Broadway, - a little village out in the Cotwolds near to where we live - I say "perfect" with a slight smile on my face, for the fact it rained on and off the whole day. Infact even on our way there there was a shower and of course me being me, very stubbornly refused to change my plans. (Yes I was in one of those moods) Anyway just as we arrived and parked up, the rain started up again. Thank goodness there are plenty of shops there to hide in. We used this as an excuse to browse the sweet store and ended up buying too many pretty sweet things.

Once the rain calmed down we walked around looking in all the stores. There was a lovely little toy shop called Rikki Tikki which sold alot of wooden toys. With Archies birthday coming up (*sob*) I couldn't help but make a mental list of everything I loved. I am slightly obesed with wooden toys at the moment, they look so cute, plus they last so much longer!

After we headed to a book store which sold every book you could possibly want. From Charlottes web, to The Twits & of course all of Julia Donaldson's books. All the books were set together with all the charactors from them which I loved even more! I shall be going back here for christmas when "santa" has to fill up his sack. 

For lunch we had a choice of a Fish and chip place or a little Italian one along the main high street. Of course the fish place won. I was happily surprised by this place. It was beautiful the staff warm and inviting and the food was to die for! The toilets made me giggle, they were in the "poop deck", small things like that really appeal to my inner child. Anyway, I had grilled salmon with a salad and chips, Eva had the children's mini fish and chips with a side of mushy peas, she wasn't a fan of these but Archie was happy to eat it all up and had a try of my fish too. He's finally begining to enjoy textures and different tastes so yay!

As soon as lunch was over the heaven's opened once more. The whole reason we went here was to go to the park and that's the one thing we didn't do. Eva wasn't too upset, she was soggy and just wanted to eat her lolly pop. So we headed home, over all though we did have a lovely day. And if the weather is sunnier tomorrow I have pinky promised Eva that I shall take her to the park over there again.

Bean xo

A day at the park

I believe this was something I wanted to do this summer, in actual fact we've been to the park every week this summer. Eva loves them, Archie is still a bit unsure - he loves crawling around on the grass rather then actually playing on anything but he is only little still. (actually reading through my summer wish list, it seems I have done all of them)

Yesterday we decided it was the perfect day for the park. I took so many super cute photos that I struggled to find just one photo today, so I shall share a few more too..