I'll start first with my bad experience with Eva. When I found out I was pregnant with Eva I straight away knew how I wanted her to be fed, breast feeding. In my mind that was what I was going to do and that was that. I didn't read up on formula, or even buy any before she was born, I thought it was the most natural thing in the world so it must be easy. Oh how wrong I was! Eva was born 4 weeks prem, 2 hours after her birth I had my first try at nursing her. Over the next hour myself and a midwife (the only one at the hospital who took time to help me) tried and failed to get Eva to latch on. In the end I expressed a little bit and fed her that way. For the next 24 hours I tried and failed to get her to latch on, she was so hungry and I was so tired.. it was emotionally exhausting. I remember wanting to cry, feeling like I had failed at something so easy and not really knowing what to do next. I did manage to get her to latch once, but it was painful (she wasn't on correctly) so I called for a midwife to come help me, she sighed and then said the words that have haunted me since "Look you can't breast feed so I'll just get you a bottle okay?". This women who was meant to help me made me feel awful, like I had failed. She was telling me about which formula she thought was best and then brought me a bottle of that, I don't think I paid much attention, I just sat watching this women feed my daughter a bottle while I sat there in tears feeling completely numb. Even when I went home a few days later I didn't try again, I simply stuck to the bottle because those words "you can't breast feed" kept playing around in my head. 
When it came to finding out I was pregnant with Archie this time I was completely prepared and didn't set my mind on breast feeding him completely. I knew I wanted to, but I also knew there was a chance he wouldn't take to it. Following his birth the midwife asked me if I wanted to try feeding him. I was nervous but gave it ago he didn't latch on right away, it took a few tries but once he was on, I could have cried (happy tears) I was lay on my sofa with him snuggled right up to me.. the amount of love I felt for him in that moment was just unreal - although it did start the contracting of the womb off which was very painful I have to say - Of course even this journey didn't run smoothly. After 24 hours of nursing him I was left in tears again, I found it so painful and my nipples had cracked and were now bleeding. At 2am poor Boyfriend had to drive 2 miles to go get some formula just so Archie could be fed. I felt awful again, but I wasn't going to give up this time. I rang my midwife the next morning and explained everything, she told me about nipple shields which I went out and brought right away, they helped so much in the first week and by the second week I was back to feeding him pain free! It was just so nice and I was so proud of myself for not giving up. Today marks 8 months and 1 day of breast feeding and it's now time for me to end my little journey with him. Yes this does make me very sad but the time just feels right - not to mention the fact he now has two teeth which have made breast feeding very sore for me. I don't plan to stop right away, no. Just during the day for the first few weeks, and then I'll stop doing it at night time as well. Breast feeding has been amazing and if I ever have any more children I am of course going to try it all again.
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